#CONFESSION 1

i love to curse

and its bad.

ASK ASK ASK - survey

1. White or red wine? = neva had one

2. Who was the last person you hugged? = my sis. angah. really miss her xoxo

3. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? = not sooo desperate honeyy~ :b

4. Where did your first kiss take place? = err. care waiting till I got married?

5. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? = foxes

6. What is your shoe size? = 3 to 4 -.-"

7. Do you prefer fruit or vegetables? = fruuuuuuuuuuuuuuittt of course

8. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? = err.. pardon?

9. Would you rather never fall in love again or never orgasm again? = *still thinking*

10.What does your outfit consist of today? = t-shirt, jeans and a pair of flip flop

11.What are your bust-waist-hip measurements? = do i really need to tell ya? haha

12.Are you a hypocrite? = why should i?

13.Why did you last cry? = err. farewell dekat kilang. malu seyhh *tutup muka ngan bantal*

14.What are your favourite smells? = again -.- clorets

15.What are your favourite textures? = cant describe with worddsss~ hiks

16.Fur or feathers? = fur

17.Tartan or tweed? = tartan fo sure

18.Leopard print or neon? = neon -.-

19.Any beauty tips? = jangan tido selepas makan. Muehehehe

20.(Send me a fuck marry kill) = lol. i beg ur pardon?

21.If you won a LOT of money the lottery and decided to move, where would you move to? = err.. UK?

22.Alcoholic beverage of choice? = haram woooooooooooo. memang takda lah kan

23.What is more attractive: Nice hands or nice feet? = err both? 

24.What’s the youngest you would consider dating? = 2 years younger than me? in between me and my sister lahh kan.

25.If you were around in the sixties would you be a mod or a rocker? = mod maybe

26.Are thongs sexy? = lol, doesn't have any other brilliant questions or wot?

27.Did you grow up in a healthy environment? = i suppose

28.What do you think of when I say “the twenties”? = matured. hahaha (am i?)

29.Could you ever deliver a baby? = well, sure. i WANT to be a mommy !:)

30.Is penetration important to you? = i don't really understand the question. haha. so... next

31.What did your last text read? = "hahahaha.. tapi tak semua orang suka masak okay"

32.Can you ride a bicycle? = of course laaa. I minah rempit okay. (without a license -.-)

33.What sport were you best at in high school? = hmmmpphh.. none?

34.Who do you miss right now? = IBU

35.What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? = told yaaa, harammmm laaaa ! 

36.Paris, London and New York… which one would you live in, which would you visit for a day, which would you visit for a fortnight? = Live in London, visit for a day in Paris and visit for a fortnight in New York.

37.What is your sexuality? = you mean either i'm female or male? FEMALE laahh. haha

38.Heavy rain or heatwave? = heavy rain

39.Chicken or fish? = chicken. omaaaaaaaaaaaigad~ takleh siang ikan okay. banyak darah -.-"

40.Do you think suits are sexy? = YES

credits to : SINI

Out of topic. Just ANSWER okay

A. What are your favourite smells? = clorets. i loike this smell when someone breath. heee~

B. Can you go  a whole day without caffeine? = d past. Hell no. d present, yes :)

C. Who knows more about you than anyone else? = family?

D. What song did you last listen to? = Love like woe by The ready set

E.Do you have a crush on anybody? = hmmmmmmm. yeah. maybe. sort of. whathisname.

F. Do you like The Beatles? = sort of. but i prefer Creed than The Beatles :b

G. If you could choose one color to wear for a whole year, what color would you choose? = RED

H. Do you cook often? = Yes. i looooooooooooooooooveeeeeee food and d food love me!

I. What was the last film you watched? Did you like it? = pitch perfect. i loike it a LOT

J. Can you sew? = using hand? yes. machine? nope *geleng geleng*

K. What is your favorite fruit? = hmmphhhhh.. idk bcs i love all of them :3

L. Are you health conscious? = maybe

M. Go do the Kinsey scale test, what number result did you receive? = should i?

N. Do you curse a lot? = yeszaaaaa~ hahahhahahha. bad me. oppss

O. When was the last time you had a pint of beer? = harammmm woooo. so, neva drink dat

P. Are you pro life or pro choice? = err.. both?

Q. Is there a certain food you often crave for no reason? = McFlurryy

R. What was the last book you purchased? =  Where rainbows end by Cecelia Ahern

S. Where was your last vacation? = err.. Gunung Dato', rembau. can consider as vacation or tak kalau hiking? haha

T. Do you shave your pits? = none of your business honeyyy~ 

U. Did you ever play seven minutes in heaven? = err, is dat a song or wot?

V. Girls, when was the last time you went out without a bra? = whoaaa~ gila ke? haha

W. Guys, when was the last time you went shirtless in public? = am a girl, so.. next

X. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how did it happen? = nevahhhhhhh

Y. How do you like your eggs? = err. quarter masak?

Z. What was your last argument about and who with? = about my reaction. with Mr. Know-Everything. lol -.-

credits to : SINI

#JIWA 1

Pabila kutatap potret wajahmu
hati meronta ingin berjumpa
Pabila bertemu denganmu
mulut terkunci seribu bahasa
Telinga menjadi pekak mendengar keburukanmu
mata menjadi buta dengan segala kebaikanmu
alangkah indahnya
Jikalau kau dilahirkan untukku
akanku laungkan pada dunia
kau adalah milikku
tapi,
apakan daya
kau bukan milikku
andainya dunia ini milikku
akanku ubah segalanya
akanku putarkan masa
untuk bersamamu
walaupun hanya sedetik cuma ~


-ice-

#Hikayat 1

It's so not like me.

Pink.

Baju kurung.

No sneakers.

shawl bagai.

Awkward.

kbye. salam jumaat

mencari identiti diri. girls talk. #EMOSI 1

mencari identiti diri.



||||||||||||||||||||||||||| loading...


server down. please try again later.... *LOL


assalamualaikum ladiessss and gentleman,

(even though this is girlss talk, yeah, you have the right to read too since this is not diari-aku-sorang-tulis-jadi-hang-toksah-baca. right?)


okay. ni cerita tentang perempuan.

either dia feminin, or kasaq macam jantan, or sopan, santun, lemah lembut, suka sepak kaki orang and blabladibla.

*terasa? memang diri sendiri pon terasa

                        "... kau, sesekali jadi la feminin, pakai la macam perempuan sikit."

                        "... cuba ko belajar jadi sopan sikit dari dia, dia dan dia nih." 

                        "... berlagak macam jantan." *sentapp

                        "... eh, tolong senyap sikit boleh dak? dok diam. bising ja 24 jam."

dan bila diri pakai baju ladies, with shawl etc bla bla bla (but without make-up ofkos. hell no!)


                        "... hahaha. wehh. ko kenapa pakai macam nih? feminin sehhh."


- engine start. hang start dok perli aku dari mula mula aku jejak kaki kat situ sampai la aku balik.


dan bila aku buat kerja tak kacau orang or aku tak sepak kaki saper saper since aku sampai,


                        "... eh, diam je hari ni. datang bulan ke apa?"


- korang dok kacau aku sampai la angin ribut taufan aku datang melanda.


dan bila aku pot pet pot pet, tangan kejap ke kanan, ke kiri, kaki tak dok diam, respon bila orang dok usik walaupon aku tak amek ati pon senanya,


                        "... berlagak macam jantan."


- okay. ini agak sentap. pangai lama aku pon tadak la teruk sangat walaupon dak skola aku time zaman jahiliah form 1 hingga form 3 tu orang panggil aku zack. takat ponteng prep, aci pegi pasar malam kelua ikot pagar belakang, lambat pegi skola walaupon hostel cuma aci redah 5 minit boleh sampai, nyorok lam almari sebab malas nak pegi surau tu ramai ja yang buat.

okay tak ramai la, tapi sampai la sepuluh orang dalam satu skolah tu kan?

tapi,

tak pernah orang cakap aku berlagak macam jantan.

- dan walau aku kena gantung hostel sebulan. pegi skola naik bas, kadang kadang ayah hantar, and balik umah naik bas sendiri pon tadenya merayau macam budak liar. tade pon orang cakap yang aku kurang sopan. sepanjang aku hidup till aku jumpa korang. dan mungkin itu bukan makna perkataan 'sopan' yang kau, kau dan kau selalu katakan. mungkin aku tak faham maksud sopan itu. dan mungkin maksud 'sopan' tu tak sampai ke dalam hati aku deep deep inside me.

- dan mungkin aku sangat sangat suka memberontak masa tu sebab tu suka cari pasal walaupun aku skola kat skola agama. dan mungkin itu pon sebab aku yang khilaf. aku tak reti bersyukur or aku tak pandang apa yang terjadi dari sudut yang positif.

dan itu memang silap aku.

aku percaya setiap yang terjadi itu ada hikmahnya.

walaupun aku nakal tahap giga tak ingat dunia time skola kat skola agama, tapi bila aku masuk form 4 kat skola biasa. perangai aku tu orang pandang sebelah mata ja. dan aku macam ouh... ni realiti dunia.

aku tak kata sekolah biasa tu teruk.

but they make me who i am right now.

dekat situ, aku belajar dari kesilapan.

aku taknak jadi macam dia. dia. dan dia.

dan aku berubah. walaupun tak sepenuhnya like 180 degree of changes tapi aku berubah.

aku taknak nakal nakal dah.

taknak ponteng ponteng dah.

taknak marah marah dah.

belajar memaafkan orang.

sampai aku jadi cengeng.

sampai orang kat situ treat aku macam adik diorang.

diorang pon selalu kutuk kutuk aku.

tapi diorang care.

diorang pon selalu tegur aku yang sememeh dan pangai tak semenggah ni.

tapi dengan cara elok.


dan aku ingat semua tu dah cukup.

aku ingat pakai long sleeves, jeans (okay yang aku pakai tu skinny jeans. dan itu teruk. trimas kerana menegur), pakai tudung (walaupun bidang 45 je yang biasa biasa orang pakai tuu) dah cukup. rupanya tak.

bukan senang nak puaskan hati semua orang.

tapi sebenarnya sekali lagi aku khilaf.

bukan sepatutnya aku puaskan hati semua orang. tapi Allah pon tak suka kan?

aku sedar pon bila ada la sorang ni, dia cakap macam ni bila aku ngadu ada orang tuu cakap kat aku yang aku ni

             
                            " ... berlagak macam jantan." tu.


dia cakap,


                            "... terasa tu sebab betul la kan?"


ouhh. deep.


haha. yeah. kenapa aku nak terasa kalau benda tu tak betul? mungkin kau pakai baju 'feminin' konon kononnya tu, tapi pangai kau, kau dah ubah?

sampai la aku sekarang terasa macam tercari cari identiti diri.

aku terfikir fikir.

teruk sangat ke aku?

aku ni sebenarnya macam mana?


aku mungkin tak pandai nak cakap baik baik.

aku mungkin tak pandai nak jadi sopan macam yang korang nak.

dan mungkin aku memang tak pandai nak duduk diam diam kecuali aku memang rasa nak diam so aku diam.

tapi, kadang kadang,

bila aku pakai elok elok, cakap elok elok, hang dok perli perli,

aku nak je tanya.


                            "... kau nak apa sebenarnya?"


tapi aku malas nak amik kesah.

lantak korang la.


mungkin ni hakikat.

kita tak dapat puaskan hati semua orang.

so, apa kata, teguran yang baik, kita amik. teguran yang ala ala kejam tak ingat dunia, kita biar dia lalu macam tak rasa apa apa.

hikss.

woteve laaaaaaa.


nanti nanti aku rasa nak berubah untuk jadi lebih elok, aku berubah lah. hope so. doa doakanlah ye.

cuma aku tak rasa aku teruk sangat sangat pon sampai tahap 'tu' lagi.

May Allah bless all of us.





p/s: Treat this post as late night (morning dah sebenarnya!) rambling okay.
this has been on my mind lately.
aku tak faham ngan dunia.
and thank you for understanding.

#Percaya

All I need is my bestfrend.
Not a boyfriend. Nor a stranger.
The one that I can talk to.
About everything.
Just because of silly mistake back then,
when the r'ship of frend get involved with feeling, it's ruin everything.
and that is the biggest mistake I have ever made.
I didn't realized, frend can't be more than that.
Kawan tetap kawan.
You with your sweet talk, a little care, make me overwhelming.
You ask me to date more than twice.
You called me sindarella.
You buy me things.
You text me everyday.
 But, it is just you.
Who really love to play around.
Who treated all girl like how you treat me.
Even though they told me that you always mention my name in front of them,
we ARE JUST FRIEND.
It's just i felt it like a crush, but the truth is,
it's not.
I love you, yes i really do.
That is why, after 4 years we are together as a friend.
I accept your proposal. As your girlfriend of course.
But, after that, i felt loss.
Rasa hilang sangat.
You asked me why.
and i burst with tears.
Only for 4 days.
Cukup sekejap untuk masa 4 tahun yang kita kenal.
I realized I didn't trust you enough to love you as what-ever-r'ship-people-called.
I keep thinking, how can you date me and in the very same time, you date another girl.
You ask me to stay, but you happy with some other girls.
Sampai saya tertanya tanya,
" Who am I to you? Saya bukan barang simpanan awak. Saya bukan patung."
Awak pegang hati saya, dan tiba tiba awak lepaskan pergi.
Tapi, tu bukan salah awak.
Saya sepatutnya dah kenal awak.
You never serious in any matters.
and the jealousy yang muncul bila awak ada dia, dia dan dia. Sesiapa saja tu.
Tu cuma sebab you used to be with me.
dengar cerita saya, teman saya nangis.
and it is definitely not love :)

Finally, masa dah lama berlalu pergi.
sekarang dah 7 tahun kita kenal.
i really miss my old buddy. HAHA.
My dearest batman.
i hope he already find his ms. right and be happy.
I do contact him sometimes. to catching up about ourlife.
But the fact we are not-so-close-after-that-case buat saya jadi awkward.
Nak nak bila tiba-tiba awak panggil saya sinderella balik macam bukak kisah lama.
HAHA.
saya ingat awak dah berubah.
Tolong jangan mainkan perasaan orang lain lagi :)

Saya taknak diorang rasa apa yang saya rasa.
kalau diorang tu jenis susah nak terima sesiapa.


- coretan sukasuki based on someone's story-
p/s : how can you love someone that you didn't trust?