Last note.

 

He left me.

He didn't exactly leave me but he's been in quiet mode and didn't reply my text at all.

I love that person.

But here's my mistake again.

I focus my energy to him which I should focus the energy to myself.

I gave full attention about him which I should pay attention about myself.

In order to attract someone, you need to love yourself first.

Here goes nothing.

MF, if you love me, you will come back. For now, I will just focus on myself.

Enough begging for someone's love.

P/s: At this point, I dont think I will ever getting married :'D

Roti Sambal Ikan Bilis.

 

Alkisahnya malam ini, aku ke 7E untuk membeli roti pesanan angah.

Something happened that reminds me, I should be grateful with my life now. To be honest, I am not a good person. I should just help instead of just thinking about helping.

Bila aku masuk in that 7E, I straight away pergi ke rak tempat roti gardenia tersusun. 

There was a girl, maybe just finished her SPM perhaps. Still young. With her little sister around 6 years old because her height just the same like my niece, Kerinting.

Suddenly, the girl looked at me and ask.

'Akak, yang mana satu ye harga dia? Yang ni ke?'

I'm not in rush. So, I did help her looking at the price. For God sake, I totally forgot there's a price labelled on the package. I asked her to look at the barcode. Is it the same or not.

Then she said,

'Yang ni RM 0.90. Macam bukan je..'

It was a roti sambal ikan bilis.

The little sister looked at me as I was still thinking about the thing I want to buy. I can be clumsy sometimes and I was confused about something.

I heard the young girl ask the cashier about the price. The cashier said something Rm1.00 ++, and the young girl seems like calculating something in her head.

At that time, I was thinking to help her pay the things she want to buy just in case she short of money. I wasn't thinking just to give her money. That is my mistake which my mother reminds me when I'm back to home. 

My mother said, I should just give money to the young girl. As in to help without waiting if she have enough money or not. 

That hits me.

Back to the story, the young girl finally take two of the bread. I'm waiting to pay after her. In her hand, I can see some money which is a ten Ringgit Malaysia, and a few duit seringgit. 

The cashier said it was Rm14.90 and asked if she wants a plastic beg or not. But the plastic beg will be charged with 20 cents.

The young girl said no, and she's counting the money in her hand and gave all of them to the cashier.

And I'm still waiting. Just in case she doesn't have enough money.

To think back, I am not good enough I guess. Because instead of waiting, I can just offer to pay for them.

Thankfully, she have enough money and the cashier gave her back one Ringgit. Perhaps she's just nervous and when she looked at me, she said thank you. From the eyes, I can see her smiling.

She said that her little sister suddenly asks to buy a drink for her. The Pepsi with Blackpink as the features. She smiles again and leave.

After I finished paying, when I went out from the 7E, I saw her with the little sister at her motor. She looked at me until I enter my car. 

I've been through the same thing before. When I don't have a lot of money and I did my calculation in my head when I buy things.

When I can't buy foods that I want because there's something else I could buy using the money.

Or when I know, the money just enough to buy food to put on the table.

I've been there when I need to survived eating the same thing every day. When there's only a little money in my hand.

Telling you the truth, whenever I have a talk with a guy, talking about how important it is to have a stable job for my future kids and they thought I am thinking a bit too far for the future.

I know maybe after the marriage, hidup tak selamanya senang. Mungkin tiba-tiba something happened and we lose our punca pendapatan. 

But at least I feel at ease when we want to enter a new phase in our life.

After marriage, that is a battle that we will fight together.

Tidak lah aku cari orang yang kaya raya. But someone who can provide. Someone I can rely to.

Being a head of family is not easy.

Susah itu aku pernah rasa. I'm grateful with my life now. 

Whenever it is raining, I am grateful to have a car. The rain reminds me at the time aku bersusah ke sana sini berhujan dengan motor.

Whenever I buy food, it reminds me, once I always need to think first before buying something.

I am grateful.

But I should be kind to others too.

Being humble and help people. Husnuzon and not to think so hard before lending my hand to others.

Anyway, my point here. 

Be kind. You don't have to wait to help anyone.

- The end -

Tragedy.

 

Everyone have their own past. Their own tragedy.

Some, manage to leave it and escape from the nightmare.

and some, still living with it.

I thought that somehow its already become history.

But the truth, it keeps on haunting me.

I love myself when I am with him. But my love keeps on hurting him.

I hate myself for being a sad sad person who keeps on living in the past.

and I don't want to lose him.

Wake up honey.

Forgive, and forget.

Be a strong woman.

I should not let something in the past to be the reason I lose the one person that I love.

Lifeless.

 

Kaki ini kadang kala tidak tahu ke mana arah yang hendak dituju.

Ibarat bernafas, tapi hakikatnya mati.

Mata ini memandang setiap wajah yang melintasi.

Kosong.

Aku tercari cari cahaya hidup di dalam setiap wajah itu.

Tiada.

Moga hari-hari yang mendatang menjadi semakin 'hidup' untuk kita seorang manusia.

Everyone can choose their own happiness. I think I met mine.

 

Meeting you was an unexpected journey in my life.

I am so overwhelmed with your kindness, your caring and loving to me.

It is true that this might be too good to be true but,

I pray for both of us.

He's just not that into you - It's a tip. Read it girls ;*

P/S : This post created by watching the movie " He's Just Not Into You". Well I already watched that movie longgg longggg time ago but suddenly feeling the urge to write about the movie. And I copy some (banyak sebenarnya) of the scripts in the movie. Here and there. So, yeah..

A girl will never forget the first boy she likes.

Even if things don't quite work out.

But, we're all encouraged, no, programmed..  to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk..

That means he likes you.

Woman... *sigh

Tellin ya the truth. Thats how woman works.

Even if the guy acts like a total jerk, totally ignore her the whole time, give as many sign he can to tell the girl that he doesn't like her,

Some girl (well I guess many many of us) tends to pretend the hint bring another sign.

Just because we. woman. like them.

* double sigh~

Then we will covered up the truth by saying, 

" Ouh, maybe he's too busy with his work. Or maybe with his family. "

" He's not asking you out because he's intimidated by your professional success. "

" I'm sure he just forgot your number.. Or... was eaten by lion? "

Denying all the hints sure is easy.

Why do we say this stuff to each other?

Is it possible that it's because we're too scared..

and it's too hard to say the one obvious truth that's staring everyone in the face?

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

But woman, please don't be toooooooo desperate. Your times will come. Eventually.

Everyone got their own timeline.

.... if he's not calling you

You might think you reserve the right to call him at 15-minute intervals until he picks up.  

But if he looks down and sees your numbers, he's gonna think you're some kind of psycho or something.

well, I dont do that. But maybe.. (just maybe!) I'm some kind of psycho too when I searched about that person background through his faceboook, twitter, instagram and etc.

But hey, it's a MUST. Dont you think?

You know someone through socmed, a total stranger. And you give him your telegram ID to get know each other. Dont you think you deserve the right to do some digging? HAHA.

Afterall, I'm being honest when I told him what I found out. 

Personal things? Yeah yeah I kno. *sigh

But, thats it. Tu je la aku cari pon. Nak tengok dia betul betul wujud ke idok. 

From a guy view,

" If he's not calling you. He's never gonna call you."

" It's just how we do it. "

" If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't wanna call you."

Really.

Always.

Titik. Noktah.

" If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit.. He genuinely doesn't give a shit. "

No exception.

" ... if he's not marrying you. " 

or maybe he said he's not ready yet or worse, he doesn't even want to talk about it even though you guys already being together for about 5 years and more,

runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn girl! YOU. BETTER. RUN!

" If a guy want to see you. Believe me, he will see you. "

If a guy wants to date you, believe me, he will make it happen. He will ask you out.

Sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending, we don't learn how to read signs.

How to tell ones who want us from the ones who don't.

The ones who will stay from the ones who will leave.

And maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy.

Maybe it's you..

On your own..

Picking up the pieces and starting over.

Freeing yourself up for something better in the future.

Maybe the happy ending is just,

Moving on.

and maybe the happy ending is this,

Knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts

through all the blunders and misread signals

through all of the pain and embarassment

you never, ever gave up hope.

So, just know when to stop. STOP hurting yourself by ignoring all the signals. STOP being in delusional. STOP if the guy being a jerk to you all the times. STOP when you think it is okay to ignore your own feeling if that's make him feels better.

You are a wonderful person. Just because you are getting old (me!), doesn't mean you really need to endure all the hurt and pain to accept someone just because everyone already met their soulmates.

Your times will come.

:)

Caffeine Lovers [0 Cup of Coffee]

Hai. Assalamualaikum. They call me si hati batu. Fyi, aku bukan hati batu sangat pon. Dah memang aku tak suka. Nak buat macam mana kan? ouh wait, btw, nama aku agak unik. Zyafiya. tapi sebutan dia Zafiya okay. So, jangan nak main mainkan nama aku pulak. Hiks.

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~ Nurul Fariyana Zyafiya binti Mohd Johan ~

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" Kau single lagi sekarang? Agak-agaknya la kan, kau nak tunggu sampai bila makcik? Nak tunggu sampai kad kahwin dia sampai kat tangan kau? Camtu? Aku tak faham betul la dengan kau ni, dari dulu lagi aku dengar, kau cakap, kau da 'remove' dia dari hati kau, tapi, tengok la sekarang, kau duk meraung melalak pebagai bila dapat tahu yang dia da bertunang. Cukup-cukup la makcik. Kau cari je la orang yang lebih berhak jadi Mr.Imperfect kau tu . Aku tak nak la tengok member aku ..........."

' Hurm.. Ape la nasib aku, jatuh cinta dekat mamat senget tu. Tak pasal-pasal aku bazirkan hidup aku dari tingkatan empat semata-mata sebab dia. Aishh.. Yang si Bella ni pon satu, duk merepek merapu tu kenapa? Bila masa plak aku meraung melalak ni. Ta faham betul aku. Tido lagi bagus. '

“Ayien, kau dengar tak cakap aku ni? Ya Allah budak ni. Punya banyak aku bercakap, dia pergi tidur pulak. Berlakon la tu. Saja tak nak dengar aku membebel. Ish  budak ni.” Bella hanya mampu menggeleng melihat telatah Ayien yang telah pun memejamkan matanya itu.

Eh, hai ! Aku mamat macho pujaan hati si budak pendek. Aku kenal dia sejak sekolah lagi. Kawan kawan dia? Semua kenal aku. Orang hensem, biasa la jadi pujaan ramai kan?

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~ Wan Arafiq Arash bin Wan Tajudin ~

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“Kat mana Ayien tengok gambar Areen dengan Arash?”

“Ayien pasang spy.. hahahha.. Arash ngan dia ek? Siap ada anak lagi. Sikit pon Arash tak ajak Ayien, diam-diam Arash kawin.”

Arash kelu tanpa kata-kata. Dia masih tertanya-tanya. Macam mana Ayien boleh tahu kewujudan gambar itu.

Siapa aku? Hmm. Aku Rish. Aku anak orang kaya. Nama pon dah bunyi macam 'rich' kan? Haha. Hidup aku mewah. Tapi jiwa aku kosong. Macam mana aku kenal budak takda perasaan tu? Tu namanya JODOH.

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~  Tengku Farish Al-Qairudin bin Tengku Mohd Zainal ~

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“ Rish, kau dah couple ke dengan Ayien?”

“ Belum la. Aku pun tak faham, hati Ayien macam bukan dekat aku. Aku seolah-olah bayangan orang lain di mata Ayien.”

Rish mengeluh. Gitarnya dipetik memainkan lagu violet, lagu buat Ana. Rish tertanya – tanya.

‘Siapa aku di mata Ayien? Kawan atau kekasih?’