He.

You're losing her and not even realizing it.

You lose her a little more every time you don't answer her calls on purpose.

You lose her a little more every time you choose someone else when the only person she's ever chosen is you.

You lose her a little more every time you don't appreciate her.

You lose her a little more every time you take her for granted.

You lose her a little more every time she goes to bed wondering, 'why aren't I enough for him?'


But she's more than enough for you.


And one day you'll lose her for good. Because she's going to get a point where there's nothing more she has to offer and she'll walk away.

And it'll hurt her to do so.

Because she looked at you with wide eyes full of faith that depleted over time.


One day she'll be the one not answering.

One day those snaps you send will be ignored and you'll send another just in case.

It'll irk the shit out you, the moment she starts treating you the way you treated her.

You'll ask her out and she'll politely declined.

You'll blow up her newsfeed and begin to become more interested in what she is up to more than that who she's with.

Because it's not you that's making her smile anymore.

You will miss the nights when she laid beside you and all she ever wanted to do was talk.

The silence will kill you, as you wish for just one more conversation.



You'll hold onto everything she ever got you and it'll be a hurtful reminder of the girl who loved you a little too much.

-poem porn-

She.

A girl with a soft heart often gets hurt.

When she finds someone that she can see a future with, she puts all of her energy, but instead of appreciating that and returning the gesture, people take advantage of how sweet she's being.

They think it means they can use her.

That they can avoid her texts, put in less effort, and that she'll stick around.

She's the type of girl that sees the best in people.

She ignores their shattered pieces and focuses on what's left.

She genuine when she loves. She's trying to make a broken person see their worth. She believes in spreading happiness, encouraging positivity.

She wants to cause smiles, not confusion, not tears.

But she keeps getting screwed over, because she's an emotional daredevil.

She's willing to take risks in the name of love.

She'll set aside time for someone, clear out her life to make room for them, and let them into every nook and cranny.

But most people aren't interested in exploring her soul. They're only interested in keeping her close, but not too close. And when the first problem pops up, they always walk away.

They were always meant to leave.

But she's the kind of person that wants to fix what's broken instead of calling it a lost cause.

She has too much hope to let go of a good thing.

She keeps getting screwed over, because she never stops.

Never stop loving. Never stops caring. Never stops trying.


until the day she's finally give up.


But she isn't ashamed of her soft heart. She knows that people have abused in the past, and will attempt to do so again in the future, but she's smarter now. Pickier.

She's going to save her love for someone that has earned it. Someone that appreciate her existence.

It's not like she ask them to be with her for 24 hours. No.

She wants to feel wanted. Wanted by someone. And by that someone she means you.




He taught her a lot about love,
even if he could not give it to her.

-poem porn-

-edited by me-

Percaya.

Kau tahu,

untuk berkongsi rasa,
untuk berkongsi cerita,


Bukan mudah.



Kau tahu,

aku memang senang untuk bercerita,
aku memang senang untuk melontar kata,


Hanya kerana aku percaya.



Bukan pada semua manusia,
Tapi pada yang terpilih sahaja.



Dan aku memilih kamu,
kerana aku percaya.


Tapi rupanya aku ditipu.







Terima kasih.

Untuk kamu.

Dewasa.

Dewasa itu mengajar kita erti hidup.



dalam mengenal ragam manusia.
dalam mengenal erti dunia.



Dewasa itu juga mengajar kita erti tanggungjawab.


setiap apa yang kita lakukan, kita sendiri yang patut menanggungnya.
tak perlu diharap manusia lain untuk sama sama bertanggungjawab.

Waktu dewasa,

kau patut sedar.
setiap apa yang kau lakukan.
ada buruk baiknya.

Memang.

Jika diberi pilihan, kau mahu kekal menjadi anak kecil.

tapi, sampai bila?




tak malukah kau masih mengharapkan orang lain untuk tunjukkan jalan?


ya, aku tahu keputusan kita tak semestinya betul
mungkin banyak yang salah.
Tapi, kau harus sedar. Dewasa adalah waktu dimana kita sepatutnya lebih matang untuk membuat keputusan.

Tak siapa pon yang tak pernah jatuh. Tapi kau harus sentiasa belajar untuk bangun apabila kau tersilap langkah.

Tak siapa pon yang tak pernah melakukan kesilapan.
Tapi yang pasti, kau perlu tahu, setiap keputusan yang kau lakukan,
adalah tanggungjawab kau.




untuk kau hadapi baik buruk akibatnya.

Cantik.

Itu subjektif.


Ada orang kata, cantik itu dari segi rupa.

Ada orang kata, yang cantik itu datang dari gaya.

Dan ada yang kata, cantik itu ada dalam diri. Bukan rupa. Bukan gaya.



Personaliti.




Perkataan cantik doesn't work well with me. Kemas, mungkin.


Aku tak reti nak pakai cantik cantik untuk pergi kerja (this, i refer as what currently im doing. intern as trainer at college in mechatronic's department). Like I told you, perkataan cantik does't work well with me.

Pernah kau tengok orang masuk bengkel pakai cantik cantik? Okay mungkin as a student, of course kau takkan pakai cantik cantik sebab kena pakai safety boots bagai kan? and for sure kau pakai jeans. and baju bengkel or t-shirt college, kan?

Tapi, for me, it's the same as the student. Takkan kau nak pakai kain labuh, kain duyung or what not masuk bengkel, kan? well, yeah, I know sometimes we just observe the students. It's not like mechatronic's department deal with machines and what not, you can wear baju kurung also when masuk bengkel. As a trainer lah tapinya. Gila kau kalau student masuk bengkel pakai baju kurung.


But, here's the thing.


Cantik is kinda berbeza dengan kemas.

Aku pilih biarlah secara bersederhana.



Biar cantik dari personaliti dari menang gaya dan cantik pada rupa.


Dan sungguhlah, aku memang tak cantik pon kalau di pandang pada rupa. heh.




Berbalik pada topik asal lagi iaitu, cantik.

Cantik bagi aku, pada budi bahasa. Pada cara kita lontarkan kata. Pada cara kita hormati orang yang lebih dewasa. Tak mengenal pada taraf, sama ada dari darjat keturunan, tak mengenal pekerjaan seseorang itu, walaupun seseorang yang lebih dewasa itu hanyalah pemungut sampah.

Maaf, bukan niat aku untuk merendahkan.


Aku karang hikayat ini berdasarkan kisah seorang hamba, si polan yang bekerja sebagai pembancuh air.

'Aku tau kerja kau tinggi
Aku tau aku cuma kuli disini
Tapi perlukah kau mendongak langit, berbicara bagai aku tiada hati?
Kau masih muda
Kau belum mengenal dunia
Tak perlu kau begitu sombong seolah olah begitu gah dengan status kau sebagai seorang yang mempunyai kerja yang lebih bagus daripada aku
Aku tak mengharapkan penghormatan yang tinggi daripada kau
Aku cuma mahu kau supaya lebih berbahasa
Bukan hanya pada aku
Pada semua
Yang lebih tua
Mahupun muda

Kerana

Ingatlah wahai orang muda
Orang menilai melalui tingkah dan bahasa
Bukan sekadar melalui paras rupa.'




Ooook. I guess the content a bit sway from the main purpose.



Sebagai penutup,

Cantik. Hanya kau sentiasa yang tahu untuk tafsirkan cantik dalam kamus hidup kau sendiri.




dan aku pilih untuk cantik, dengan menjadi biasa biasa sahaja.