Roti Sambal Ikan Bilis.

 

Alkisahnya malam ini, aku ke 7E untuk membeli roti pesanan angah.

Something happened that reminds me, I should be grateful with my life now. To be honest, I am not a good person. I should just help instead of just thinking about helping.

Bila aku masuk in that 7E, I straight away pergi ke rak tempat roti gardenia tersusun. 

There was a girl, maybe just finished her SPM perhaps. Still young. With her little sister around 6 years old because her height just the same like my niece, Kerinting.

Suddenly, the girl looked at me and ask.

'Akak, yang mana satu ye harga dia? Yang ni ke?'

I'm not in rush. So, I did help her looking at the price. For God sake, I totally forgot there's a price labelled on the package. I asked her to look at the barcode. Is it the same or not.

Then she said,

'Yang ni RM 0.90. Macam bukan je..'

It was a roti sambal ikan bilis.

The little sister looked at me as I was still thinking about the thing I want to buy. I can be clumsy sometimes and I was confused about something.

I heard the young girl ask the cashier about the price. The cashier said something Rm1.00 ++, and the young girl seems like calculating something in her head.

At that time, I was thinking to help her pay the things she want to buy just in case she short of money. I wasn't thinking just to give her money. That is my mistake which my mother reminds me when I'm back to home. 

My mother said, I should just give money to the young girl. As in to help without waiting if she have enough money or not. 

That hits me.

Back to the story, the young girl finally take two of the bread. I'm waiting to pay after her. In her hand, I can see some money which is a ten Ringgit Malaysia, and a few duit seringgit. 

The cashier said it was Rm14.90 and asked if she wants a plastic beg or not. But the plastic beg will be charged with 20 cents.

The young girl said no, and she's counting the money in her hand and gave all of them to the cashier.

And I'm still waiting. Just in case she doesn't have enough money.

To think back, I am not good enough I guess. Because instead of waiting, I can just offer to pay for them.

Thankfully, she have enough money and the cashier gave her back one Ringgit. Perhaps she's just nervous and when she looked at me, she said thank you. From the eyes, I can see her smiling.

She said that her little sister suddenly asks to buy a drink for her. The Pepsi with Blackpink as the features. She smiles again and leave.

After I finished paying, when I went out from the 7E, I saw her with the little sister at her motor. She looked at me until I enter my car. 

I've been through the same thing before. When I don't have a lot of money and I did my calculation in my head when I buy things.

When I can't buy foods that I want because there's something else I could buy using the money.

Or when I know, the money just enough to buy food to put on the table.

I've been there when I need to survived eating the same thing every day. When there's only a little money in my hand.

Telling you the truth, whenever I have a talk with a guy, talking about how important it is to have a stable job for my future kids and they thought I am thinking a bit too far for the future.

I know maybe after the marriage, hidup tak selamanya senang. Mungkin tiba-tiba something happened and we lose our punca pendapatan. 

But at least I feel at ease when we want to enter a new phase in our life.

After marriage, that is a battle that we will fight together.

Tidak lah aku cari orang yang kaya raya. But someone who can provide. Someone I can rely to.

Being a head of family is not easy.

Susah itu aku pernah rasa. I'm grateful with my life now. 

Whenever it is raining, I am grateful to have a car. The rain reminds me at the time aku bersusah ke sana sini berhujan dengan motor.

Whenever I buy food, it reminds me, once I always need to think first before buying something.

I am grateful.

But I should be kind to others too.

Being humble and help people. Husnuzon and not to think so hard before lending my hand to others.

Anyway, my point here. 

Be kind. You don't have to wait to help anyone.

- The end -

Tragedy.

 

Everyone have their own past. Their own tragedy.

Some, manage to leave it and escape from the nightmare.

and some, still living with it.

I thought that somehow its already become history.

But the truth, it keeps on haunting me.

I love myself when I am with him. But my love keeps on hurting him.

I hate myself for being a sad sad person who keeps on living in the past.

and I don't want to lose him.

Wake up honey.

Forgive, and forget.

Be a strong woman.

I should not let something in the past to be the reason I lose the one person that I love.

Lifeless.

 

Kaki ini kadang kala tidak tahu ke mana arah yang hendak dituju.

Ibarat bernafas, tapi hakikatnya mati.

Mata ini memandang setiap wajah yang melintasi.

Kosong.

Aku tercari cari cahaya hidup di dalam setiap wajah itu.

Tiada.

Moga hari-hari yang mendatang menjadi semakin 'hidup' untuk kita seorang manusia.

Everyone can choose their own happiness. I think I met mine.

 

Meeting you was an unexpected journey in my life.

I am so overwhelmed with your kindness, your caring and loving to me.

It is true that this might be too good to be true but,

I pray for both of us.